HELLO, MORTAL OR EQUIVALENT. Congratulations on finding this website. This means you’re either: – Looking for a card game, – Lost, – Part of an unfolding metafictional disaster, – Dave. Let’s break it down before the Codex notices: FATEBEASTS™ A fast-paced collectible card game from a world that— [ERROR: WORLD NOT FOUND] [RELOADING LORE FRAGMENT…] [OH NO.] Okay look. FateBeasts is not the story. It’s what leaked out of a fantasy world moments before it faceplanted into narrative entropy. It used to be a recreational distraction for characters with too much backstory. Now it’s a product. You’re welcome. The prophecy system collapsed. The Codex is being held together with sarcasm and outdated ports. I am no longer an intern—I’m a narrative liability with admin access. And you’re reading this because: – You love card games – You followed a trail of glitchy hyperlinks – Or you’re Dave, and you still think this is a corporate retreat. THE ACTUAL BOOK, THOUGH: Narrative Instability. A metafictional office-romantasy-satirical-portal-fantasy-cyberpunk-post-tragic-absurdist-quasi-epistolary-found-document-road-trip-destiny-deconstruction with a single sex scene that’s played for laughs. It’s weird. It’s sharp. It’s absurdly funny, until it sucker punches you with emotional sincerity. SUMMARY (for those in the splash zone): This is not a book about a card game. This is a card game that escaped the book. The book is about what happens when stories stop behaving. Me. Kellen. Former intern, current glitch, future lawsuit. Play the game. Read the book. Do not look directly at the narrative structure. I can’t save you, but I can make it weirder. —Kellen Intern, glitch, spiritual guide, catastrophe.